MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor :
"One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people
die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The
others all died"

Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?"
Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

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HEHEHE. Funny stuff. The first one really cracked me up so bad xDDDD
Thank you to Julie who posted this in SS. You’ve made my day <3